You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn just as people grow and change, so it is with love... and you learn you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.

You come to a realisation that you deserve to be treated with love,kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won;t settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.



I've learnt that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learnt that even when i have pains,i do not have to be one.
I've learnt that life sometimes give you a second chance.
I've learnt that life is tough, but i'm tougher.
I've learnt that opportunities are never lost;someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learnt that i can't choose how i feel,but i can choose what i want to do about it.
I've learnt that love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learnt that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

One word - apprehensive.

I am amazed when I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me,
It's like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid if I lost you girl,
I'd fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy, lonely world.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When my nights can be so long,
And faith gave me the strength,
and kept me holding on.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my life.

Now here you are,
With midnight closing in.
You take my hand as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin.
I look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss.
I think if I'd never met you,
about all the things I'd missed.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong,
And faith gives me the strength,
and kept me going on.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you're my love...
The love of my life.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my... life.

Met Lina at 97 at Orchard Plaza for her 26th birthday that day. Gave her a bottle of Absolut Peach =)

Haha, was rushing to catch her at 12am, cracking our heads where to get wrapping paper at this hour. LOL. Was fun running around with you. Hehe. Sadly we didnt see the interesting birthday cake that they offer there, cos you wanted to show me. Haha, its alright. =) I kinda like that place, surprisingly, despite the wierd handful from the crowd, i find. Maybe i am just not used to it.

The birthday girl had 2 waterfalls and whiskey with green tea. Hardcore... heh. Played good techno shit. I liked it. My sis would love it better than i do, i bet. Haha, the lightings were good too. But got bored, and spontaneously, we ended up dancing out asses off at O BAR. hahhaa....

Hell of a night. But i never had so much fun in a long timeeeeeee baby.

=) lie here with me and forget about the world. I dont wanna remember anything but you.

I'm confused about how it's all supposed to be
I'm confused about how's love supposed to be
I'm confused about how's falling in love supposed to be
I'm confused about how to fall in love
I'm confused about how the world revolves
I'm confused about the genuine and the superficial
I'm confused about the things people do, and their motive behind it
I'm confused about intentions
I'm confused about trust
I'm confused about my choices

It's way past bedtime. Here i am sitting in the shadows of the orange hue of my bedside lamp, drowning myself deep into my inner thoughts that randomly ran through my head. I have no clue why these complexities hit me out of the blue, leaving me totally clueless. Not to mention, confused. Utterly confused.
Yet struggling within, convincing myself that my choices are right, and the choices i'm living at peace with. Yet, the little girl has yet to learn how to trust herself. Perhaps, its just that she has yet to learn how to trust God.

The world is concealed by a beutifully painted canvas splahed with colours so positive that it seemed almost alive. However below it reveals the decadence of societies' screw ups and unsightly ulteriors that holds negatives that eventually brings the downfall of one and kills, eventually. She cannot stand alone. Only when she realises that she cannot stand alone, then she wakens to a enlightening realisation that she needs God.

Please tell me the world is gonna end sometime soon. I'll go back to church soon.
No. Correction. I'll go back to God.


I wanna go home with you, hand in yours. Take me along?

I shut my eyes forcefully,with brows knitted closely,hoping that my inccessant self-persuasion to sleep would work. The mind defied in direct retaliation. After lying in bed for some 2 hours or so, i jolted out of bed, submitting myself to the nagging voice of conscience within - I should study,instead.

Under the dim orange hue of my bedside lamp, I squinted at my watch. It read 02:13. despite the fact that it was way past my bedtime, I didn't feel the slightest hint of lethargy.

Vaguely, i made my way to the toilet. After an episode of splashing icy cold water on my face, I was all freshened up. Throwing my hair back,the remaining droplets trickled down my face casually. I looked up and my eyes met hers, automatically.

Her facial features had an uncanny semblance that somehow emulated mine. I gazed intently into her bloodshot eyes as she stared back, listlessly. A weary expression hung blatantly on her face. Mildly taken aback, i didn't dare to acknowledge that 'her' whom i was looking at, in the mirror. My face twitched as i gasped in disgust.

'She' had dark circles that betrayed the endless sleepless nights. The dry and creased complexion spoke of every burden she'd bore. It seemed almost impossible to see her smile - smile like she really meant it. I fixed my stare, trying to grasp a better understanding of her through that little window - her eyes.

My efforts were futile as my eyebrows remained creased. I shuffled out with much alacrity, closing the door behind me quietly. Slumped into my chair, i stared into thin air, feeling so so lost...

So numb. It was as good as forgetting who i really was. Like a phoney.I wished i could just disappear from the world, in that split second. Take leave, out of this world, silently and peacefully. Unoticed.

I would smile...when world stops revolving - At the very moment when the incandescent premature sun rays peep over the horizon, over the picturesque mountains. When the humdrum monotony of the insipid night slowly ebbs as i careen down a long windy road overlooking the enitre 'switch-over' of dominance in my world. Only then, when the golden tinge of warmth spill over the treetops and set grassy meadows ablaze, as the morning dew twinkles like sparkling little gems scattered abundantly across the land... I would smile when the clock stops at that very moment.

Till then. my phalanx of conundrums remains...


Cos there's something in the way you look at me.Its as if you are the missing piece

Night was okay.

Would have been better if someone didn't POP UP INTENTIONALLY just to look me up. Its funny how you judge the people i drink with.


You should be lucky i didnt mention that you DO NOT fucking use protection IN FRONT of my friend.

Lets talk about the bigger bastard. Sorry dude. You threw me off there.

DOn't ask me if I'm attending church alright. Its a joke.

Started early that Friday.

Headed to Iguana...it was jam packed. So we ended up at The Cavern with a mug of Stella and Vodka Coke. Bumped into JS so very coincedentally, whom i was supposed to catch a late night saturday movie with the very next day. He was having 'pre-clubbing' drinks there with the same old colleagues he introduced to me in Zouk the other time. Took a puff with Aivy while we did a bit of catching up while the guys were left to chat among themselves. Its good to see her again. =)

We finished up close to 12 and headed to Waiting Bar, just opposite Archipelago. I must admit it wasn't my kinda hangout. Thank God there weren't many places for all of us. Francis called too, so we met outside Archipelago and headed to his friend's pub. Had a jug of Vodka Lime and i watched them struggle with a game of pool with short and long cues. Hilarious...

1am. We got bored and decided to hit Double-O. Played 'Cai Quan' with Francis and was loosing like crazy. Fortunately I was given second chances. HAHA. Or else, I will own 6 Tequila Vodka shots. Yikes. On top of that,we also had two jugs of vodka redbull and ribena. Dragged ourselves to the dancefloor and danced till they closed. My phone was with J and didn't notice poor Alex trying to reach me. When he arrived, dbl o was about to close. Met Alex sweaty and all.not forgetting, super high. lol.

Then Francis suggested MOS. So we were there in no time. Felt so bad that i wasn't able to catch up with Alex. Was looking for me since we were at Boat Quay. And couldnt drink with us at dbl o either. Didn't join us at MOS either. So we had two bottles of White Wine at MOS. Downing it by the glass. Even before i knew White wine hits so hard, J was dragging me out while Francis followed behind. I was shocked when i turned back. Next thing i knew i was practically puking my guts out at the bus stop. I tried to answer Francis' phone call.. J took over and i could faintly hear him cursing and swearing into the phone...

What the fuck.


So what's the menu for today, MrChocoCandyBar? =)

this is artistic, not emo


happy


happy


happy


elated


happy


happy

Apparently, fucktard ANON just didn't know this is SUPPOSED to be my 'emo' blog. Guess it just didn't come across to IT that there's a happy blog somewhere else. I hope spelling it out for you did work a little, pal. If not, i'm sorry i can't help you there. Maybe i should emo over IT'S reprehensible negligence that made it assume I do not have a life. I might consider... =) Haah!

I'm just being totally random about this.



We were talking about love.
Yes, that crazy little thing.

Who are we to define what the term really means.

you just know it.



But I like how the song 'Chasing Cars' portrayed what love is.

We'll do it all, everything, on our own.
We don't need anything, or anyone.

If I lay here, if i just lay here.
Would you lie with me and forget about the world.

I don't quite know how to say, how I feel.
Those three words have said too much, but not enough.

Forget what we're told, before we get too old.
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.

All that i am, All that i ever was,
Here in your perfect eyes, they're all that i can see.


I don't know where.
Confused about how as well.
But i know that things will not change for us at all.

Rest...

Tonight I realised its not whether he loves me or he loves me not.
Tonight I realised its who loves me more... that causes pandaemonium...
Tonight I realised its who loves me more... that causes the pain...
Tonight I realised love is only reserved for one genuine individual...
Tonight I realised I run away because I'm afraid of pain...
Tonight I realised confusion is such a horrible monster.

Tonight, I wish it was all a bad dream.

Tonight I realised... perhaps I can't love.

I'm sorry.

My life seems as to be the epitome of rest...
Rest is about letting go. And i think i'm letting go too much of my life.
and what's important.


She's barely hanging on...

Everybody needs a home to go back to, eventually.


a home to rest...
a place to be in peace with themselves...
a safe place to return to...


sometimes i wonder...if home can be a person instead.