intangiblility...

I find myself taking a liking to reminisce. A little too much i suppose.

The past is like junk in the attic, old pieces that're never meant to stay with us. However, i realised i've been frolicking and tumbling around within the scraps and dusty heap of you-know-what. Perhaps I'm a little too emotional to the point of being... queer? Just, maybe. I don't know.

Or maybe, I'm regretting and wished that deep down, it never had happened. That those old pieces stayed intact, that they would all still serve its rightful purpose instead of laying there, mortified by dust and cob-webs.That would probably explain my tendency to travel back mindlessly... leaving the body just but an empty shell and nothing more.

Whatever it is, I'm not sure when it will stop. But i'll promise to remain sane enough to keep track of reality - at the brink of it.

And before i fall over, CHEMICAL PROCESS PRINCIPLE A report's conclusion stays equally clueless to me. Damn.


;and to think that i'm happy... yes! cos its delinquent night! party time (:

Army of anyone...

"Leave It"

Last call
feelin' tall
I forget the last night
Please come in
Don't intend
This is good for me no more

I'm starting to believe it
the hardest thing's to feel it
Down in me
Honestly
the hardest thing's to leave it

These temple walls
will not fall
While outside the world grows
They've come as I've withdrawn
now they know I'm hollow

I'm starting to believe it
the hardest thing's to feel it
Down in me
Honestly
the hardest thing's to leave it

It's okay to come down
It's okay to come down
Oh
Oh
Oh

I'm starting to believe it
the hardest thing's to feel it
Down in me
Honestly
the hardest thing's to leave it

No More Looking Back... perhaps.

Walking along a crowded street
I see thousands of faces before me.
Then I see a face that I used to know
Long ago in my life story.
It starts me thinking about the things you said
For your image is still inside me.
The past is gone but in my head
You’re still walking along beside me.
Is it something playing tricks with my eyes
Or just an illusion deceiving me,
Or is it someone in a disguise
Or visions of things that used to be?

But lately I’ve been going to
All the places that we once knew,
And just when I think that I am free of you
I keep seeing the things that remind me of you,
And just when I think you’re out of my head
I hear a song that you sang or see a book that you read.
Then you’re in every bar, you’re in every cafŽ,
You’re driving every car, I see you everyday,
But you’re not really there ’cos you belong to yesterday.

No more looking back,
No more living in the past,
Yesterday’s gone and that’s a fact,
Now there’s no more looking back.
Got to be hard,
Yeah, look straight ahead.
That s the only way it’s going to be,
Yesterday’s gone and that’s a fact,
Now there’s no more looking back,
Perhaps someday I’ll stop needing you,
Then maybe one day I’ll be free of you.

But lately I’ve been going to
All the places that remind me of you.
And just when I think you’re out of my head
I hear a record you played or see a book that you read.
Then you’re in every bar, you’re in every cafŽ,
You’re driving every car, I see you everyday
But you’re not really there ’cos you belong to yesterday.

No more looking back,
No more living in the past.
Yesterday’s gone, that’s a fact,
Now there’s no more looking back.
No more looking back.
No more living in the past.
Yesterday’s gone, that’s a fact.
Now there’s no more looking back.


No More Looking Back

of the backtracks and updates....

From a while back... quite a while...


stupid faces high people portray :p

stupid faces I portray...when high. =D

now, where did this come from.





i miss Sara. :(
schools ending in one weeks time
i miss mel-o.
i wanna go to virginia to look for mel and yl!
i wanna go to melb t visit although its winter.
i wanna dye/highlight my hair brownish blonde. (:

Mental tricks...

heh emo pic!

Damn, why didn't I think that i could actually be a arts person.

cos education singapore is totally screwed. arts is determined by history and geography and literature. I hateD them. so very naturally im a science person. OR perhaps i'm just a jack of all trades and master of none. andrea is so doomed.what is she to do about her life!? :(

and damn again, i wished i could write like how i used to, on my previous blog.


;therefore andrea is saddened...TGIF though!

the motivation from within...or perhaps, nowhere.

The room's chilly, finally. Big thanks to mom who installed the new aircon! Now, as i take a glance out of the window, its a good thing the heat outside is just, but an imagination and nothing more.

Yesterday and today was spent idling and reflecting in my cosy room. I like my room very much. I didn't do much, but enough for me to be myself - over-pensive at times, reflective, and imaginative (of the future, that is). I'd mentally construct imaginary scenarios that would make my life more exciting, keeping myself amazed for extended bouts of time. Such that these silly daydreams have detached me from reality,just slightly, that i seem not to care less about life in general. I've always been better myself being alone amidst a throng of people and generally doing small things that makes myself personally happy, like peeping over the person standing in front while typing their sms (never gotten caught so far, thank God) or just popping out of nowhere to greet hello to the fellow girlys, or just bitching about nothing and causing it to really sound like something. haha.

Looking back at my life - in terms of my blog's archives as well as the ones stored right in the heart (at least my memory still serves pretty well) (: To think for the past 6 months or so of idling, was a pure waste of my precious time (time obviously didnt seem that dear to me, then). Now that the fact has flipped 180degrees around, back at me, I find myself a little lost. Its hard to admit a flaw, being naturallt humane. However this fact is that undeniable. We, ourselves, choose to govern our life the way we want it to be.

My context is, juggling my priorities is unsightly. I do not wish to be a clown as if life's a circus - of the masks and mere actors. I'd prefer being the CEO of my life, who sits in a comfortable office chair, overlooking a picturesque view of the city and bay, with a pen and organiser that serves me well enough, in a nicely pressed powersuit. If life is just about juggling, then i'd think we can forgo the greater dreams we have set for ourselves(if you even have any, that is).

This is why i love reflecting so much. Because we come out of it wiser, stronger, and refreshed all over again to take on life with a tinge of relish. Its rewarding in a very personal way. If you'd beg to differ, then i'd suggest you amuse yourselves and carry on lambasting if you wish. :)

On a lighter note, no more 'i beg your pardon-s', 'huh-s', and 'what-s'. No more. I have decided to re-form my speech and command of english. I've always found people/subjects who desecrate the english language such a chore to even entertain. Only to find I'm at the verge of becoming one. You can figure out the disgust that grew almost exponentially in me. Ewww.

It would have been much uglier, and a harsher tone if not for the fact that i'm in a fairly good mood. Not speaking garbled english is just but a personal right. So, DO NOT SPEAK TO ME IN BAD ENGLISH, because i think it only reflects poorly on yourself. And speaking good english does not equal to lofty people with the stuck-up attitude. Do broaden your mental spectrum if that ever occurs to you or happen to devole victim to that as a result of inheritance. Too bad for you, i suppose.

As for my life, the most awaited-for news of all. HAHA. More commitments have been materializing as foreboded. Tennis school team trainings are killer and i've yet to do tweaking of lifestyles to that. Workloads are coming in a little intense as well. And i hope to eliminate a few tasks that are on the CEO's 'To-do' list by tonight. Till then, i'll be checking in soon if time permits.


and this is what one year has done to me, and even more...

bitch-some...about a fucktard

i'm feeeling like how a fucked up bitch feels this very minute, and i hope it goes down by the time i finish typing this. seriously. so here i am, hollering into cyberspace ( which is almost equivalent to mysely =X) while listening to accidentally in love by counting crows. no, not helping at all. not a fucking bit.

come on. get a life. here's you asking me to enjoy myself a thousand and one times as if im not having enough fun, and on the other hand, you come to me almost exactly 24 hours later telling me how HEARTLESS i am that i am ignoring you. hey fuckshit man. i KNOW HOW TO enjoy myself and i DON'T NEED YOU TO ASK ME TO. think about it - retarded. yes, i am having fun, and you know who i'm having so much fun with. so does that make you happy? uh... no. then?

so don't give me the heartless bullcrap okay. you dont just pop out out of the blue and expect me to attend to you. i'd seriously suggest you consider hiring a mistress if you need that kind of service! im so fucking pissed off. and no points for guessing who did. yeah, you.

on another point of note. go and screw other girls. i don't even need to look into your life to tell that you're having fun. you seem like you're having even more fun than me, just through facebook. shit-ass. so, im not gonna be some loser and come telling you, 'just go and enjoy yourself' cos i think you probably ARE ALREADY. if that's gonna make you feel any better, by all means. it doesn't bother me, cos i know what i want. insecure jerk.

i hate your retarded, two-faced nonsense. like fuck off man.

Nostalgia...

Counting Down The Days - Natalie Imbruglia

You were right.
And I don't want to be here if you're gonna be there.
Was that supposed to happen?
I'll hold tight.
I'll remember to smile.
Though it has been a while.
And without you does it matter?

There's no room.
No place to start.
When our souls are apart.

I want to travel through time.
See your surprise.
I'd hold you so tight.
I'm counting down the days tonight.
I just want to be a million miles away from here.
I'm counting down the days.

How've you been?
It's just the usual here.
And days are feeling like years.
And every day's without you.
Now I cry just a little too much when I think of your touch
And everything about you.

I feel cold.
I'm in the dark.
When our souls are apart.

I want to travel through time.
See your surprise.
I'd hold you so tight.
I'm counting down the days tonight.
I just want to be a million miles away from here.

I want to travel through time.
See your surprise.
I'd hold you so tight.
I'm counting down the days tonight.
I just want to be a million miles away from here.
I'm counting down the days.

I'm counting down the days.
I'm counting down the days.
I'm gonna be you surprise.
I'm gonna hold you so tight.

Yeah!

I want to travel through time.
See your surprise.
I'd hold you so tight.
I'm counting down the days tonight.
I just want to be a million miles away from here.

Balance... that's what you need, boy.

I remain the face I always was
with slightly more sharpened eyes
this air of confidence still clings to me
shining, clear and strong like the sun
yet I find, at times,
these exterior rays cannot pierce my clouded judgment.

I have learned to love myself
and practiced it so long that it is now natural
to embrace everything I am.
I feed my head,
utilize my body,
stroke my soul...
but am often distracted
as underneath it all,
I strive to fulfill the yearnings of my heart.

it seems,
when I embrace everything
that another is,
I'm spread too thin
betwixt them
and myself.
and as my head's hungering for nourishment
I start to sink teeth into my soul.

it is an art I've yet to master,
that,
of remaining uplifted
while uplifting another.

so lovely to be loved,
yet so facile to be loveless.

;and the song, 'say goodbye' by Chris Brown goes out to you too.