If only i knew...

What am I feeeling right now: Listless -.-
The song that's on repeat: 一个人生活 and 分手快樂.

If i'd known, we should've left off as friends or strangers who happened to cross paths that fateful night outside the bar, in the wee hours of dawn. Amongst the bustling crowd of party animals and useless drunkards.

I never knew I wasn't one of them, till we happened.

I guess we were just 2 people, in the wrong time, at the wrong place but with a divine purpose behind that wasn't strong enough carry us through.

;If only i knew you'd make my favourite accident...

i can only imagine.

Just to think about it, I would do things that I would regret (tryna get you to)
To understand how I felt for you
I tried real hard time and time again but I
Didn't know my love wouldn't grow, I shoulda just let it go
But I, stayed around thinkin you would learn to love

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Couldn't do without it, I felt I needed you in my world (to get me by, by)
More and more I looked out for you, tried to play me like a fool so I
Didn't care that love wasn't there, had to just let it go
Couldn't stay around, thinkin you would learn to love

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Amina
And now I'm gone, plus I'd rather be alone
We both grown, lower your tone over the phone, aight
I shoulda known this, damn I shoulda known
It wouldn't last long, when you didn't come home some nights
And now I'm on, in the zone, handle business on my own
So respect the queen on the throne, aight
Here's some strong advice, move on, that's life
You're wrong I'm right, and I gotta letcha go

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Don't know why you would ever lie to me so,
But I shoulda letcha
Don't know why I could never let you go
Coulda, Shoulda, Letcha
Don't know why...

I used to believe in love songs... ...

but now, they are mere fairytales and painted facades.

The melodies aren't the same anymore, the lyrics are senseless as a drunkard's jokes.

Or was it the process of what we did to 'love'?
We screwed it all.

It was you and me, against the world...

Don't hang up.
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like im lost.
What went wrong?
what made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
Im unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
Its only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful.

Ive been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that's true
Im stuck in time
Im stuck on you
We were still untouchable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cuz im only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we're much better
All together
Can't let go.

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Make me unbeautiful

Natures of humanity.

Dear God,

I feel like I've started on a journey to hell. I can't see the ends, nor can I see the depths of this afflictive dwelling place to one and many. The sweltering heat, the maliciously tormenting screams, the raw situation, the inequitable fear of uncertainty and the agonizing blazes of torridity that I thread on every single second.

3 days. The ear-piercing screams have died. I am starting to aquire an immuity to the calefaction. My grasp onto sanity weakens as I begin to wonder the things hell has to offer. None. It doesn't change the fact that I am and have to be here. I am loosing track of time. There is no pillar of strength that I can hang on to for dear life. I look up and wonder if that is heaven. God, is that really You? Why don't you speak at all? Or is this disconcerted silence preventing me from hearing You?

My shoes can't withstand the charfe any longer. Looking for Satan is not an option that I would consider. That one way, is You. God. For now, its a trip IN hell as I trudge aimlessly in the debris of humanity and their unrepented transgressions. They speak of a different language, I could almost feel the torment as I gaze into their eyes. Flashes of trauma overwhelms me as fear gripped me like its favourite toy.

Perplexed debilitation pierced right through me. Fumbling in the dirt and grime, I picked myself up and stagger on... ...


Amen.