Today, I lost 2 friends.

Hello World.
First my parents. then my friends...

What else?

FUCK YOU. JUST TAKE ME INSTEAD.

I've taken my break.

Its high time i start preparing for foundation! =)


Back to the books. Double degree in Commerce and Law. Tough stuff.

She falls apart
By herself
no one there to talk or understand
feels the same
dries her eyes
finds herself, opens a door and sighs

people see right through you
everyone knew you well
falls apart
might as well
Day is long and nothin' is wasted

Run away, Run away
hold you tomorrow but your goin' away
Run away, run away
hold you tomorrow but you're leavin' today

You walk alone
By yourself
There's the sound, nothin' is changin'
They've gone away
Left you there
Emptiness in nothin' you can't share

All those words that hurt you
More than you would let it show

Comes apart
By yourself
Always well but nothing is wasted

Run away, run away
hold on to you but you're goin' away
Run away, run away
Hold you tomorrow but your leavin' today

Sometimes I feel aroused so I cannot be down
all the time I've been on my owm
any sound of being here
time to wastearound a friend
I know where to runaway.
no where to run away yeah!

She falls aprt, no one there
hold her hand and seems to disappear
falls apart
might as well
Day is long and nothin' is wasted

Run away, run away
Hold on to you but your goin' away
run away, run away
Hold you tomorrow but you're leavin' today

JAEDON'S MISSING. IM SO FUCKING SAD.

Everyone's broken. Everyone's torn. Even when we seem like we don't give the slightest fuck about it. We actually are.

And deep in the quiet night when we are all alone, and there's nowhere else to run. We withdraw into our little shells and cry. Break down not because we want to but because we are only human afterall. And family members may be differing but never substituted.
Ignorant i may seem, because i want to believe that they will all grow old one day and their childish mindsets will alternate. Childish because everyone is trying to change everyone.

Stop judging and start accepting with giving a little love and freedom. and a daily prayer as the day closes in. Love, regardless of who they are, what they've done or where they are. Love because you pledged to, at the church's alter in front of God that very day. Love because God loves them too. Love, because you'll need it too. It is not easy as it seems but we all must try, with the end goal in mind. If a loved one were to climb the wrong mountain in life, I'd not aid but instead, accompany them though the asperously scabrous journey.

Concentrate on the next hurdle in life and how to overcome it rather than trying to change people and situations around you. That obstacle is not going to budge. You will have to find your way around it. Talking will not help the least bit.

Mom and dad, this is for you. Love each other they way you used to. Whoever said love was conditional. Love the way you used to love. You dont stop loving cos' they're changed. Daddy's still daddy. And mummy's still mummy. That's not going to change either.

Does anyone hear me? =(

P.S -and baby,you'llalways be baby too. hehe =D
Sorry for being difficult the past few nights. I'm sorry.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around
Like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know,
Don't seem to care
What your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on,
Nothing's fine I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn


imwalkingdownthestreetsoflondonbarefootedandalone;

whisk me off to melbourne!

whee, i know i've been telling peeps not t read my blog cos its not entirely about my life - its just an avenue for me to run to when distress sets in. Which means, when i don't blog, I'm happy =D so be happy, too!

I've picked up a book lately - Success built to last by Jerry Porras, Stewart Emery and Mark Thompson.
Its a really good book that i'd recommend. The idea of success is driven by the passionate motivation of oneself, due to the love for whatever he/she is good at, which is sufficient to endure through whatever difficulties faced, almost WITH JOY! I'd love that man. They call it the Mandela Effect - abstrated from the story of Nelson Mandela and his efforts to eliminate Aparthied.

People make mistakes. Very often, we are deluded by the society's emphasis on materialistic living. Thus, we throw ourselves blindly at what they claim is 'gold'. But have you ever paused for a minute and wondered about the treasure within yourself? This was what hit me so hard one night as insomnia consumed my resting hours till the break of dawn. I was deluded, i made a mistake. Kill me? Of course not.

I guess i'm still confused about where my passion lays, and am taking time off to realise that. Guess i refuse to compell to 'fact' that I have to stay and finish my course. There's a price to pay, of course - that is that i wont be able to return. In short, I refuse to adopt singaporean mindsets about education. This is about what i want in life, not what i have to.

But, not so. I'm starting ID work and the first project will come in about March, which gives me sufficient time to read up on ID and do my research. Other than that, I'll continue reading while i recieve more things/opportunities and directions that come my way. I hope i'll make it in time over to Melbourne to stay with SWANGGG while i complete foundation! It'll be so awesome. Then i'll only be back sometime end of this year. =) then back again to do a double degree, hopefully. that will take me another 5 years.

Its like a refreshing gust of North-East wind that brushes gently across your face that could probably wake you up from the drudgery of the monotonus humdrum of life. This is my time. to make things right. as much as i want to, I'm not going to rush into anything and enjoy little things in life that we often take for granted. This is what i call life,in my perspective. Doing what i enjoy. is what i call, success. Cos it begins with the heart, where neither words nor money could ever replace,for it never ceases.

i could go on typing forever man. =\
I will not go on deluding myself that i like something that i dont. it doesnt make any sense =)

P.S-i'm only done with the first chapter. So down to the second now =)

& she can't seem to stop crying,like how she did yesterday.


I don't wanna live today as if I don't care about tomorrow. If I had one wish, it would be to know what would happen tomorrow and the following days ahead.

But today, I realise, perhaps, you don't understand me even though its been 18 years.
I know I can't blame you all for not understanding, I wasn't open enough to talk to any of you. I preferred keeping things to myself.
As I type this between sniffles and sobs, I don't even think you'd ever read this anyway.
If you have tried to understand me but to no avail, i know its not your fault. Its me. I am the one who refuse to talk to any of you.

But I just want you to know that I cry when I see daughters taking a happy picture with their father. and when they tell the world how much they love their mum.

I feel so small.

;God,thank You for reading.I don't blame you either.

why am i eluding myself that i dont need you. i think i dont. i guess so...

somuchforanewyearpost.thankyousomuch.fuckyou,alright.