Spinning in a heart's whirlpool of emotions

LOCKED - as the clock strikes 12 tonight.

Emotional Turmoil - says it all and says it best. No other words coupled together could possibly verbalize this inaudible harangue in me.

I can practically feel an ugly ogre incubating in me, growing and waiting for that disinct moment to manifest and detonate into a mushroom cloud of nuclear energy.
Seriously, who are you to deserve such ardently profound feelings of mine.

Maybe you used to feel more.
maybe you used to love me more,
maybe you're tired of me,
maybe you think I'm still giving
you all that nonsense that i used to throw your way
maybe you've finally realised i'm not that worth it after all,
maybe i'm just not that fantastic afterall.

Maybe things took a turn after he came into the picture.
Maybe you didnt mean it that very night, before i walked home,
that you'd still love me no less.
Maybe cos i still expect you to be that guy i knew from the very beginning.
Maybe im asking for something that's non-existent already.
Maybe, there's no turning back anymore. for you. and me.

The tears i shed for you that never seems to stop every night when you're not with me. I've finally found the reason behind all the catastrophe-weathered mental state of mine.

;i cry, for i've lost you already. and as it continues everynight, the anguish never ceases. never.












And ... "I Miss You"

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

overwhelming torrents behind a paper masquerade;

Could it be the world's gone colder? Or maybe, I'm just a losing soul - just me and no one else.

The more I try it just gets harder and my pain is getting old. No remedy seems to countermeasure this travail that's way too familiar - like an old friend that could convince me that some things could possibly be too close for comfort, that it is being compromised subconsciously.

Somebody said that nothing lasts forever. 'Its just the storm' so I've been told. But not one has promised that it'd stop, for me. And it seems that when it rains it pours, mercilessly. Perhaps I'm beginning to revel in these unwinding moments, hugging my knees, face my back upon the enitre melancholic despondence.

As i began the transposition, all it presented was a whitewashed blank. Nothing. Not even a tiny speck of dust that marred it. I shrugged in dismay, dejected and weary. As i hung my head low, nurse the wounds that resurfaced yet again. I startled upon the sight of the tool in my hands, barely gripping it feebly - a paintbrush and a palatte with multidudes of shades and tonal pastels.

We turn out backs on something, not to brood and bring upon misery and self-inflicted torture. But we do that sometimes to remind ourselves that we still have a paintbrush and a wonderfully gifted palatte of colours to make a difference in our own lives.

And you know the rain won't last forever
And you know the storm won't always flow
But if the sun don't shine forever
You gotta let it go

Sometimes it gets so heavy, and it seems too hard to bear.
Sometimes I feel so empty and it feels like no one's there.
Somebody said that nothing lasts forever.
Its 'just the storm' so I've been told.
But it seems that when it rains it pours.

I hate to think that this is escapism. But unfortunately, it already is, in itself. Sometimes, at night, i'd lay in bed staring at whatever's in front of me, wondering what you really what from me that I've fallen short of. Too many shortcomings that i can name for you, baby. As tears welled up in my eyes, i wished my vision was that blur all the time, sometimes. Like i wished i never could see you, maybe cos i never did and never will be able to.

;forgive me if i were to call at 3 in the morning and wondered what went wrong with me.

-dedicated to the BF,leong.