I've been wondering for the past entire year - why am i studying chem process technology. Then it came to a sudden realisation that i should be studying something i am interested in, and not something that im told is good and that i should do it. This came a little slow but i hope its not too late.

After that Sabah trip, it allowed me to sit back and think while i was at the beautiful beach under the warm sun as i indulged in the cool breeze against my face relentlessly.
In a nutshell - reclining from the emotional harangue that was driving me insane.

Now that im back, its worse.

There are no more show white wavefronts that plummet into the shores.
There are no more waves that are strong enough to caress the fine sand so slowly and carefully, its beauty that can never be substituted.
There are no more rocks that overlook the cascadng orange hue of the evening sun over the horizon as it gradually descends.
There are no more coral-littered beaches for me to stroll along aimlessly.
There is no more toasting in the sun without feeling the slightest scorch from the calefaction.

Now, i'm hurled back into the shadowy wilderness where light never exsisted. As nightfall persists per diem, i continue to fumble through foliage and debris in the vile obscurity. As time passes, my skepticism grows together with it. The conundrum continues spinning in my cranium as i drag my wounded, encrusted feet on the damp bed of fallen leaf litter bed. My decriept body, now a burden. My paradoxical dilemna to stay put or strive on to find a way out. I long to see the resplendent glow of the sun again. The lustrous shimmer off the dew across the fields every morning unfailing. The incandescence of the peeping sun to setting treetops ablaze fromt the gentle luminiscent rays. I dream often, to feed my sanity...

Now, my urge to continue my studies, my concern for my future is my priority. And it shall be the motivation that welcomes the new year.

ALmost indisputable,
the impetus of the coming year. A stimulus for my ambition.

walk with me, will you?

first and foremost, i shall promise my readers (whoever you are) that i'll blog more stuff with substance. Yes the songs do portray how i feel. but i should speak.

I'm tired. I don't know why nothing interests me. I feel i've been leading many more than 1 life - i'm living many lifes. A quiet student, mentally overgrown juvenile, nocturnal creature and social butterfly.
So many things that i'm not. Perhaps i really am, however... i prefer elusions.
I've come to a point of too many i-dont-knows in life. So many, you're left with no other corners to take cover but have your naked self exposed TO YOURSELF.
I dont blame anyone who sees me in a different light of who i think i really am. Because i gave them the impression, i didnt dare to show/say - here, this is me, like it or not.

maybe im just thinking too much.maybe i just need to be in control.

life's not all about being in control, but about knowing where we're drifting. thats all. and i'm just afraid of regrets.

thank you for the morning call today. it assured me that you're still around,and that you still do care about everything. it really meant alot to me.

and to my brother, its nice to see you smile again =)

and this song speaks so much for me.

i dont't want to know anything at all.

the last time i felt so lost, so devastated...was when i suffered from a drug overdose.

now, a sudden pandaemonium of fear is taking over me. a fear that history might repeat itself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me
Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to beBut you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

How much is real?
So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah
And it's the stars
The stars that shine for you
And it's the stars
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah

I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head


;and this is about the kinda nightmare you've been putting me though EVERYNIGHT eversince.

I can't sleep well anymore.
Neither can i get it out of my head
no matter how i tried.
I feel so helpless and frail.
its like an ugly ogre robbing me
of my happiness and... life.

The scenes flashing through my mind
every night as i lay in bed.
The nightmares return each time,
stronger than ever, comsuming me
entirely like a black claw creeping.
Creeping into my emotions and
crushing it within a cruel second.

Now as i lay lifeless in bed deep into the night,
the evil flicker of inccessant scenes...
Helpless, as it takes over.
Daylights never seemed darker than this,ever.

Till I am capable of remaining adamant to what you've done,
Life can never be less meaningless because,
the dark,black wall can never be conquered.

That dark,black wall that you've built,
that emotional scar that ripped me apart yet a little more,
that'll be what my life is about from now on.

;being of a mere age of barely 18,
with this, i have spoken from whatever that's left of me.
Whatever thats left of me, that i can give you.

I don't know who you are
And I don't know where you've been
Always out on your own
Always down on your knees

Now you know
I need a miracle
A star-crossed lover
An arrow in my heart
I need a rainy day
and an endless summer
A pocket full of stars

Maybe you're just like me
You see the faces in the crowd
Looking down at their feet
Never once make a sound


;your star-crossed lover in an endless summer.

He took her out on a blinded trip-to-nowhere.
the entrance guards didnt even stop him.
Guided her gently by her hands...
a duffel over his shoulder, and her hands in his.
picked a nice spot where he laid out the hammock.
under the stars, they sat...swinging.
along the curvaceous shorelines of her favourite beach.

the cool land breeze fluttered against their cheeks.
as the repetitive sound of waves crashed and receded,
they talked as if there was no tommorrow.
they talked as if he didnt need to go.

just as they were packing up for home,
a light drizzle started falling gently,
caressing their presence with a heavenly shower.
she wrapped herself in his warm wool blanket,
as they strolled back to the car.
and looked forward to seeing each other once more.

who gives a fuck whether you love me OR NOT.

you wanna know why. cos you're doing things all the Wrong way boy.
if you're avoiding regret, let me help you get to it.


cos you're pushing me away when i need you.

you have your reasons. And i'll have mine.
I HATE YOU.

I've been running through this town,
I've been combing every street.
I've been searching for the reason within reasons,
Been searching for the higher ground in me.
And I've been trying to surrender,
To trust in every word.
All my days of misery,
Someone could have taken them from me.

I've been searching for myself,
For oh so many times.
I've been searching for the answer within answers,
But no one seems to know what's on my mind.
Craving for her love,
Aching for her touch,
All my days of misery, someone could have taken them from me.

So tell me where you are,
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me what you need,
Just tell me how you feel.
And let it all just rain on me,
Let it all just rain on me,
Let it all just rain on me....
Rain down on me.

If only for a day,
Oh if only for one night,
I could tell you this is everything that i have ever lived for,
But I'd be giving it all away.
So look into these eyes,
And tell me how you feel.
All my days of misery, someone could have taken them from me.

So tell me where you are,
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me what you need,
Just tell me how you feel.
And let it all just rain on me,
Let it all just rain on me,

Let it all just rain on me...
Rain down on me.

"Walking Away"

The sun goes down as the city lights
Pave their way through the darkest night
Raindrops fall as an old man cries
Never thought to ever think twice

Of all he had
Of all he lost
A selfish life
And guess comes with the cost

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away
Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

The same old streets just a different name
Same old house just the family's changed
Pickett fence
The window stains
Freedom spells by a man in chains

Silence is all we have to give
And the memories of a life I wish we'd lived

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

From all that you made
That you lost
Or threw away
Traded in for a brand new life
But I can't
Can't let go
Can't turn around
Hold my head high and walk away

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

Hey, remember me
I remember you walking away

and the emotional harangue continues silently in her head


Today we took a walk up the street
And picked a flower and climbed the hill
Above the lake

And secret thoughts were said aloud
We watched the faces in the clouds
Until the clouds had blown away

And were we ever somewhere else
You know, it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

I can't believe a month ago
I was alone, I didn't know you
I hadn't seen or heard you're name
And even now, I'm so amazed
It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

And somethings are the way they are
And words just can't explain

I hope my subtle music playing in the background only disrupts the whirling of the ceiing fan and not my mother's sleep. Its 3:57am. I'm wide awake in the dim orange hue at the usual corner in my room. Thoughts hung from strings dangles in my cranium, succumbing to gravity's pull, helplessly. Winding in and out, i'm mindful of my own steps now - of being roped in and all tangled up. Mesmerised and captivated as i am, Perhaps, i already am... holding myself captive within.

Vindicated although defense is just paper thin, I am selfish.
Maybe i'm wrong, maybe i'm right - my paradoxical conundrum that never fails to induce insomnia.

As i lay awake here, awaiting the slightest break of dawn - like a superhero who never flounders when it came to saving my day. Right now, I am wondering if my superhero will still appear again, like he always does. What if he doesn't? What if... it rains.

Perhaps I'm triyng to forget the feeling that I miss you.
Or maybe... nothing. Simply nothing.

As my mind wanders out and ventures to every corner of both my intellectual and fictional horizons, Something in me is reticently praying that it looses its way, never to return.

I don't want to know despite my futile attemps to obfuscate what you're trying to get at. Life's not always black and white. Perhaps you've always loved me. And when you're with me, you're close to tears, because I'm only almost here. Bruised and battered by my actions, Dazed and shattered and it hurts.

But i don't think you need me, boy... I don't know anything anymore. Sorry. Thanks for remembering me while you were away anyway.



Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing,
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing.
All the flirtatious disses, I’d tell you sad stories about my childhood.
I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could.
We’d spend the whole weekend
Lying in our own dirt.
I was just so happy
In your boxers and your t-shirt.

Dreams, dreams of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me.
It seems,That I can’t shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there.
I know it sounds lame but it’s so true.
I know it’s not right but it seems unfair,
That things are reminding me of you.
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend,
Even if only for one weekend.

Drinkin’ tea in bed, watching DVDs through the night.
The first time that you introduced me to your friends,
And you could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand.
When I was feeling down, you’d make that face you do.
There’s no-one in the world who could replace you.

The littlest things that take me there

Fussin' and fightin', we back at it again
I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my niggas
I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no
Damn these memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

Girl I really wanna work this out, 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world ('cause I don't wanna be)
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories

'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

And I, I
Don't want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don't want to let this go
I, I
Don't....

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you...

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could
Just hold you
Tonight

So much I've never broken through...

I'm going home...finally maybe...

I wanna hold you til' i die,
till we both break down and cry,
I wanna hold you til' the fear in me subsides...
I'm just another writer,still trapped within my truth.

Look at this face
I know the years are showin
Look at this life
I still dont know where its goin

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered, hooooh

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
Ive never broken through

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth Ive ever known
Is me and you

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I dont know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I dont know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know

"Unfaithful"

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Uh
Anymore (anymore)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer (a murderer)




;Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

trapped.
knowing you will die
consumes the now

being stuck in the thick glue
of sadness

unable to pick up your feet

your muscles atrophy
and soon after you can only

scream inside of your mind
where no one can hear you

you can still feel the pain
but can no longer move


your breathing becomes labored
the world turns to black and white

like an old fading television
your reception
becomes scrambled, flickering

your voice is nothing but
a faint scratching

as your organs shut down,
one by one
each leaves your brain more battered

still,
intact
till
the
last
drop

your last breath
is full of rag water
as you are tossed
into
a bucket

filling your lungs
with scalding hot water
like an old overflow tank

still,
you think
till
the
last
thought

;dear Lord,
I am lost. I don't know
who to believe in,anymore.
Take me away,far from these
dejection and perplexity
of the world.

I just want to be with you,
now and forevermore.

where there is no more
heartaches and pain.
wars fought among families
or countries.

where my conundrums of the
so-called 'loved ones'
can finally be put to rest.

Amen.

;and everybody needs that special someone too.

Faith is on the edge of all that we can ever know. The tension between the known and the unknown creates the playing field for scientific inquiry. The faithful tease the ardent free thinkers like an older sibling teases his or her younger sibling -- instilling a fierce form of competition and determinacy to prove the 'superior' wrong. In many ways religion and science are like siblings cut from the same cloth. Neither realize the significance of the other until they reach an age of maturity.

This is where I think the state of faith vs. scientific inquiry are at this point in history. The human airwaves are choking on dead end debates on religion vs. science. If both issues were on the same end of the court, the ball would not be reciprocated thus the game would be nonexistent. Both are key to the 'ultimate' explanation or what many scientists call the Theory of Everything. One can by no means supersede the other as more valid. Since faith depends more on the human imagination, it can be more manipulative towards dispelling facts of science. Perhaps we should re title the rivalry "tangibilities vs. intangibilities"?

one you can sense. the other you cannot. when was the last time you based a decision on something you couldn't sense? when was the last time you based a decision on something you could sense? the fact that intangibilities exist in the first place is a miracle. intangibilities exist to be discovered. just take this allegory: when we are first born, we may be already equipped to sense our surroundings but whether we do or not is dependent on our biological mental and physical development. the human infant is very aware of its surroundings even though it cannot directly perceive them.

being one human with eyes that can see is not the same as being humanity with eyes that cannot yet peer into the vast entireties of the universe and look God in the eyes. the human race can still be considered in its infancy. but like any young thing, it is instinctual for us to want to grow up far to fast and experience this exciting thing we call consciousnesses. we'll see when we are ready to see. not when we see fit.

the twilight,
was swallowed
by
dawn


my heart awoke
and yawned its first breath


my ear still pressed
against the cold surface,

i could hear the water of winter
neath me
swishing
like the blood through
the veins of a helpless prey
tight in the jaws of his successor

my heart wriggled
out of the grip
of Despair

and slithered
inconspicuously
towards shore

careful as not to break
the ice
which supported
my existence

careful as not to break
the existence
which supports
all that we falter in

Very often, we think.
But the impulsive actions that follows, KILLS.

;you get my hint...

...and i began to wonder,perhaps beginnings were meant to be endings in disguise.


when I can see thoughts
so gently
falling from your eyes

I try to save them
one by one
we tried to gather them
together

but they fell into the
sea of yesterday
before you took your bow
and stumbled off.



you can own
landscapes in my mind
snapshots of existence;
mental real estate

along a lake
aside the river
neath the bridge

all dimly lit
touched by twilight
your minds eye
peers so deeply into mine

tonight,
beneath the stars,
we were travelers
now,

we are just wanderers
where time is just a figment
of a disproportioned world.



echoes of my imagination
I wish they would bounce into oblivion

I am the transcendent soul felt through the flesh.
I am the continuance of touch in a gaze.
I am the danger of soaking up too much sun.
I am the amorphous passage of time

I am the surrender of imagination ceaselessly to wonder.
I am.



This is a strange and fucked up feeling. Calm and smooth, cold and collected like water still as a pain of glass. This feeling is something perpetual, sustaining and sublime. In words exchanged it takes a form something solid yet faded. Blurred around the edges, unknown but understood. Never truly whole, a broken vision of something you know so well… someone you know so well. Never well enough.

In a world filled with deaf ears where cries of anger and pain fall silent and whispers are never heard I hear you. I can see you, hear you, and if you’d let me I’d reach out to touch you… What a blessing this is this silence, so that your voice may travel uninterrupted and your thoughts and stories may flow from those thin red lips you’ve stretched to this most impressive smirk. This is something I’d always felt and never seen, embodied only in your heart as I hear it from you for the first and the millionth time. As you speak and I reply this conversation grows and perpetuates itself. And, no longer still, the water has been rippled. The movement has begun with just one tiny drop into the center of this pool and it grows into a torrent, like the wings of a butterfly cuing a tsunami a world away. A whirlpool spinning out of control leading into blackness the deepness of my soul. Then from this rocky bank I am cast to drown within my travels. As this water drags me towards suffocation I know only that I am not going to die. I know I will not die. I will surface from this water, lungs aching, on the other side. Cold and wet, I know this journey will not kill me. I will be left beaten, bruised, scarred and disfigured until I am nothing like what I used to be. I can see you on the bank as you shake your head and smile.

“May we be lucky enough to see each other find happiness."

This whirlpool drops me on my knees on dry land, and I make my way through the darkness that is un-discovered.

Because it took so long to find my way again.
Only to realise...perhaps not,afterall.

how freaking hot. I like =)
woots!

magnifique...

Portentous


all too often
what I imagine
will materialize.

it is dangerous
when such a curious girl
dares to dream drastically
and mentally toys with matters
made of glass.

so often seen as perplexed
running scenarios through her head
she can only softly smile,
and say, with a chuckle,
how daft
such delusions.

only to lift her head
and watch with wide eyes
as the entire reverie
plays out
with an alarming amount
of attention to detail

am I a prophetess
visualizing
holy moments to come
or am I the author
creating the storyline
prior to actualization?

and what control does one
really have
when destiny is determined
merely by fancy
with no regard
to how irrational
and fleeting
such intangible thoughts may be?

how dangerous
to play
with fantasy.

by the time you question the impossibilities...
it has already begun.

Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody whatcha here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me!


Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!


And when she walks, she walks with passion
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it
when she asks for something, boy, she means it
even if you never ever seen it
everybody get your necks to crack around
all you crazy people come on jump around
you doing anything to keep her by your side
because she said she love you, love you long time!


Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!


Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

NO!
Never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!


She's a man eater
A maneater
She's a man eater
A maneater
She's a man eater
A maneater

how cool... =)

What your loved ones doesn't know, wouldn't hurt them.

fantastic job well done.i'm convinced and i'm speechless. happy now, ain't ya. you win me, hands down.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you

'I...was trying to avoid disappointment. The disappointment that was naturally born to expectations'

Thursday, August 16, 2007 - 1:07pm

It doesn't have to take just one person to make you think that your existence in the world today, is fucked upside-down.
Its foolish.
You just need the right people.

;and its not worth it.

I'll play this game with you, then.

just you and me.

I feel so fucked, seriously.

Maybe cos' I'm the fucked up one.


youknowwhat?I'mtired. So...whatever

I realised i've been missing out on posting lately. I guess there's just too much that happened and is still happening,for me to pen down everytime i manage to steal time for the cyberworld.

YES, its the big ole exams. SUCKS.

Well, I was just an inch away from refusing to sit for my papers. I shall not go into that...Cos' then, I'll probably take forever in front of this silly screen.
Maybe I'm just telling myself its tough.
So, i should convince myself its not too difficult and I'll get by.


I was engrossed by my usual random musings one balmy afternoon, only to stumble upon the reason of my warped disposition. We, humans, in general, hate disappointment and failure. We scorn at the slightest thought of it happening to us - our worst nightmare. Thus, we look way ahead, trying to vaticinate all the possibilities of such atrophy. Last but not least, we eliminate all digressions - negligible or convictive.

Relating back to my predicament, I was inducing the idea of the ardousness of it all - only leaving myself exasperated and controversial within. I... was trying to avoid disappointment. The disappointment that was naturally born to expectations. When we all piece this entire vicious cycle together, we see a domino effect of adverse events that none of us had intended calling for.

IF ONLY, we would sit back and inhale deeply for a while... just, for a while. Spare 15-30 minutes just letting the mind unwind and rest in His peacefulness. And I did.

Hideous thoughts were flashing through my mind incessantly. Fear gripped me as i stared blankly into thin air. They wouldn't stop. They revoled in circles around my head like a derailed locomotive that wouldn't stop till it crashed. I could almost hear my silent screams of infidelities in my cranium - the inaudible harangue. Cold sweat trickled down my temples sending an electrifying sensation through my body. I shuddered. Shaken to my senses, I heaved a heavy-spirited sigh. It was the mind playing tricks again.

I stood up slowly from my slumped position as I straightened my back. Trudging down the stairs, I fixed my stare on the feet as my head hung low. Such mental drudgery only a Prisoner-Of-War would physically flounder upon.

I thought to myself such delusion would have to retire or I would be building my life ahead on the foundations of oppression and languid. Like a piece of land that once , had the potential to cultivate bustling lush greenery and withold an explosion of vivacious colors ... but chose to deteriorate into an undulating, barren piece of derelict dirt.

'Its all about choices' I almost mumbled to myself silently.

Picking myself up, I quickened my pace into the cottage-styled kitchen, made myself a cup of hot camomile tea, and inhaled deeply between small sips. I could almost feel myself reeling back into the past as if i was causuled in a time-machine zooming through time. The only difference was: things that mattered too much then, no longer existed as a perplexity.

Slowly and steadily, I began colouring my world again. Like how a rucksack made into canvas, I painted the masterpiece of my life, unreserved of the acrylics on my palatte. And i never regretted, ever since...

Indeed, I have fallen short of Your grace, that I am simply imperfect.>

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,


And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.



Chris Daughtry Home Lyrics

There was nothing to say
The day she left
Just filled a suitcase full of regrets
I hailed a taxi in the rain
Looking for someplace to ease the pain

Then like an answered prayer
I turned around and found you there
You really know where to start
Fixing my broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don't understand what I'm going through
There must be a plan that lead me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near

Just like an answered prayer
You made the loneliness easy to bear

You really know where to start
Fixing my broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Soon the rain will stop falling baby
And I'll forget the past
Cause here we are at last

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Fixing a broken heart

FUCK YOU, UNDERSTAND.

and this is where the story ends...

Hey you.
Its funny how you could bring one, self-inflicted emotional abuse.
Its funny how she still hung on. Tight.
Its funny how you could carry on pretending everything was alright.
Its funny how she could carry on pretending everything was alright.
Its funny how she belived your story. About the leopard.
About the Leopard who would turn into an Alsation, by the intensity of your love.
Its funny how you tried to convince her.
Its funny how she wondered if you even bothered convincing yourself.
Its funny how she trusted that the leopard really turned into an alsation.
Its funny how she enjoyed that miracle of love you portrayed.
Its funny how she cries even when she thinks of it, right now, even when you're gone.
Its funny how she doesn't know it still matters, and it still hurts.
Its funny how she beats herself everynight about being happy. and all the pretence.
Its funny how strong she is, only because she thinks she is.
Its funny how the tears still well up.
You. You might even be thinking... its funny how stupid she is.
Its funny how she still believes in you.
Its funny how you never learn, how you threw it all away.
Its not funny when she doesn't understand how the two years went by.
Its devastating. When she realises, perhaps, it wasn't love.

So this is how the story ends. Remember what the little girl once told you about her stories she wrote when the teacher told her to. Happy endings are ever reality. Heaven's playing games, when it all falls apart.


The story of that girl you never understood, and never will.
Don't bother.

I thought we could make love out of nothing at all. But you made the runner stumble...

my room
it smells
of you

how you've lingered in the air.
you
have come
and you
have gone

and I am stuck in yesterday.
(too tired to go on.)


your lips spoke certain words
but a different story was shining
in your eyes.

and with our last embrace
the future flashed
and flickered
and faded
with your tail lights.
(fireworks style.)

how sweet of you
to catch
the final
kiss.

now i'm hesitant,
to catch
the last
train home.


never to return back, to where i left off from; where you stood watching my departure

I'm at the crossroads, look but I'm not really sure which way to go.Looking over my shoulder, cause it's colder than it seems

I never needed a smoke so badly before.
I never felt this lost.
I never knew forever felt so real. Its like home.
I never doubted that we came right from the heart.
I never listened to the noises, null and void inside my head.
I never felt so frustrated because I don't know what I'm changing into.
I never told you how it feels like to sit in your head, alone.
I never felt more miserable.
I never felt so fucked. Basically.

You're my favourite accident because, you're my favourite mistake.

I know you're looking at me through the glass.
I know you don't know how much is real.
I know you're outside looking in. at me.
I know you don't expect an easy answer.
I know i cant expect a bit of hope.
I know the stars that shine, lie too.
I know its a different scene,from what i've seen.

I know, I'm falling deeper.

And I look forward to be with the people i miss... and not find myself buggered by the people whom i do not yearn to be with...

help me tell God i left Him a text message