If I ever try killing myself again, It'd be all because of my mom, again. Her, and her alone. She'd probably be happier without me anyway. Couldn't careless about where i am, what has become of me.

Its is my fault that I do not understand my father's 'other' way of caring for me and being so unreasonably strict thus growing up with the lack of his love, and thinking that he is deviod of love. As a result, the kid turns to other places to find that love she needed.

It is my fault that my sister has turned out this way, having infatuated with an ITE boyfriend and emo-ing all over the place ever since he went into her life. Is is my fault that she thinks BGR is okay. It is my fault that she doesn't confide in my mother. It is my fault that my sister is attracting the wrong company because she acts and dresses like one of them. It is my fault that she takes a liking to spewing uncouth profanities in hokkien.

It can only be my fault because my mother has been a very good mother, a very approachable friend we can go to. A mother who provides... and acts like a decent christian whom she thinks she is.

Why act so holy when back at home you think you are flawless and throw everything else to your children because you don't even understand and know what your other children are going through? Maybe by doing this, she will feel better. Feel that she isn't too bad a mother. How good can a mother be, when a kid is constantly wondering where else can she go to, just to survive?

Don't blame the kid after that when she finds someone else for support. After all, the most, they get angry and jsut tell the kid to fuck outta the house and go to whoever they think they can be with (boyfriend) and never come back. And tell the kid that it is not their lost that they have one less kid to worry about.

Afterall, all they can do after they realise they drove their own child to her own grave, is to find the song 'hurt by christina aguilera' very meaningful.

If my mother is reading this, you'll never know how much you've hurt me. Even as i cry now, as well as the times your words ring in my head incessantly.... You'll never know. ever.

I can't wait to grow up. Forget about the childhood memories...

I finally found someone
That knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete
It started over coffee
We strarted out as friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin


This time is different
And it's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it though
My favouite line was "Can I call you sometime"
It's all you had to say
To take my breath away

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? I didn't mind
I apologise, baby that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine

You know I love your hair
Are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear
Isn't it too tight?
You're exceptional
I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you

My life has just begun
I finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you

You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.

Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.

You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.
And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

People always say, the good will never last ...

What are your perspectives?


Nobody's hearing my desperate cries. I'm in the dark, alone. Not even my mom. Perhaps she does look at me, overwhelmed by darkness and shouts out to me ' stupid girl, can't you just get out of there? ' Perhaps cos its dark, she didn't notice the bruises... Its not her fault, cos i just keep quiet. And nod quietly.

Maybe she should send me to Australia and never to be back again. Too.
Maybe tomorrow morning, my maid will whisper to my mother quietly behind my back that i cried last night. Perhaps then, she might act nice, as usual. And ask me if she can do anything to help.

Fuck off.

Baby, I can never let you go.

Its late. I just feel like crying although my friends are over. Seems, I'm being pretty caught up in some difficult situation. I seriously need to start working. My mum has officially abandoned me. She told me straight into my face. Ouch, yes i know.

Just sent Swang off. Guess there's not much of places left for me to reside whenever my mom doesn't feel like seeing my face. I'll miss her late night sleepover chats about our problems and how we feel about each other. In fact, i'm tearing now. For both of my conundrums as well as the part about me going to be missing her...loads.

I'll be fine i guess.

Suddenly the world just seem to come crashing down. Where'm I gonna get money from? Where am I gonna stay if my mom don't wanna see my face? Who am I gonna talk to? No more Swang. I don't know. Crying doesn't help the situation in anyway. But I still do.

Fucking stubborn, I am. I want to cry so much, like i've never wanted to before. Not even when I was beaten up by my dad.


I'll be fine, baby. By and by....I will.

I won't find another you. Never...ever.

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time's been healing me and I say goodbye

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not await the dawn to bring another day
Your not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you that just fade away

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You're still a part of my life
But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

When doing a magic trick, or stunt, the most impressionable part that makes people gasp in awe, is called 'The Prestige'.
So, presenting the prestige for the magic trick, 'The Disappearing Act'! :)

I'm back. Yes...I've disappeared for quite some time. :) Haa, lotsa stuff been happening lately. Lets not indulge in the unhappy details, shall we? :)
Bballing with Cowbit tomorrow!!! Yays... Cowbit's gonna come over after school to study for a while before we hit the court at Khatib in the evening, when its not scorching hot. Lets pray it doesn't rain, dear. :)
Sat at bunny park for a while with my Cowbit and then he walked me home. Just bidded him goodnight and here i am, blogging, as promised :D

Well, the bad stuff in short, is that i got butted outta the warm cosy home of mine. :( Drats... I guess, thats about it?


No other girl, happier than i am...because you make me that happiest girl alive.