If I ever try killing myself again, It'd be all because of my mom, again. Her, and her alone. She'd probably be happier without me anyway. Couldn't careless about where i am, what has become of me.
Its is my fault that I do not understand my father's 'other' way of caring for me and being so unreasonably strict thus growing up with the lack of his love, and thinking that he is deviod of love. As a result, the kid turns to other places to find that love she needed.
It is my fault that my sister has turned out this way, having infatuated with an ITE boyfriend and emo-ing all over the place ever since he went into her life. Is is my fault that she thinks BGR is okay. It is my fault that she doesn't confide in my mother. It is my fault that my sister is attracting the wrong company because she acts and dresses like one of them. It is my fault that she takes a liking to spewing uncouth profanities in hokkien.
It can only be my fault because my mother has been a very good mother, a very approachable friend we can go to. A mother who provides... and acts like a decent christian whom she thinks she is.
Why act so holy when back at home you think you are flawless and throw everything else to your children because you don't even understand and know what your other children are going through? Maybe by doing this, she will feel better. Feel that she isn't too bad a mother. How good can a mother be, when a kid is constantly wondering where else can she go to, just to survive?
Don't blame the kid after that when she finds someone else for support. After all, the most, they get angry and jsut tell the kid to fuck outta the house and go to whoever they think they can be with (boyfriend) and never come back. And tell the kid that it is not their lost that they have one less kid to worry about.
Afterall, all they can do after they realise they drove their own child to her own grave, is to find the song 'hurt by christina aguilera' very meaningful.
If my mother is reading this, you'll never know how much you've hurt me. Even as i cry now, as well as the times your words ring in my head incessantly.... You'll never know. ever.
I can't wait to grow up. Forget about the childhood memories...
Its is my fault that I do not understand my father's 'other' way of caring for me and being so unreasonably strict thus growing up with the lack of his love, and thinking that he is deviod of love. As a result, the kid turns to other places to find that love she needed.
It is my fault that my sister has turned out this way, having infatuated with an ITE boyfriend and emo-ing all over the place ever since he went into her life. Is is my fault that she thinks BGR is okay. It is my fault that she doesn't confide in my mother. It is my fault that my sister is attracting the wrong company because she acts and dresses like one of them. It is my fault that she takes a liking to spewing uncouth profanities in hokkien.
It can only be my fault because my mother has been a very good mother, a very approachable friend we can go to. A mother who provides... and acts like a decent christian whom she thinks she is.
Why act so holy when back at home you think you are flawless and throw everything else to your children because you don't even understand and know what your other children are going through? Maybe by doing this, she will feel better. Feel that she isn't too bad a mother. How good can a mother be, when a kid is constantly wondering where else can she go to, just to survive?
Don't blame the kid after that when she finds someone else for support. After all, the most, they get angry and jsut tell the kid to fuck outta the house and go to whoever they think they can be with (boyfriend) and never come back. And tell the kid that it is not their lost that they have one less kid to worry about.
Afterall, all they can do after they realise they drove their own child to her own grave, is to find the song 'hurt by christina aguilera' very meaningful.
If my mother is reading this, you'll never know how much you've hurt me. Even as i cry now, as well as the times your words ring in my head incessantly.... You'll never know. ever.
I can't wait to grow up. Forget about the childhood memories...
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