the growing car fanatic = bad liability.

1. I'm totally in love with white MR-2s with red interiors! (and i'm so tempted to get one!)
2. The lexus IS has launched the cabriolet version! All that i've been waiting for. Heaven.
3. The Nissan 370z roadster will be out only in 2011. (But I don't think baby can wait. 'cos i can't either!)

;did you hear me say that the weekend's already here? cos you make me feel like it always is! <3

Vow-ed. And now, please, take a bow.

You weren't told of the very promise that I made to myself.

That if someone, like how you were when we first started out, ever came into my life again...

I swore never to let him go.

That's the mistake I'll never commit again, ever.


;now you've showed me all that I've ever wanted,baby. you.

What I want - Chris Daughtry

It always seemed that I was sorry for the things that I did,
But never did a thing about it 'til I let you in.
It's kinda funny about the time that I was falling apart.
You came and put me back together, now.

'Cause what I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.

I still remember all the stupid things that I've said and done,
But still, you stuck around with me when all your friends said, "Run!"
Givin' me a name, I found myself inside all the flames.
Becoming everything for you again.

What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.

Don't tell me you saw it all along.
God help me, I never knew it alone.
Guess I was wrong.

What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.

And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
You've taken me.

Conviction

Till all these fucking become platitudinous and mundane, you may leave.
I can't wait.
---------------------------------------------
this crowd of thoughts is dizzying
picking a path betwixt and amongst the consumed
trying to stay sharp throughout the chains of act-and-reactions
so often estranged from this world,a mere curious observer,
capturing the essence of this other life from a standpoint in an alternate reality,
beyond the outskirts of them,of there.

the here and now includes my red and black backpack,
and this faded navy baseball cap. the sublime sun,
ink-stained brown pants, and a pair of black and white kickers on feet that flail in a mortal existence.

Confined to the boundaries of my skull,
I have never really been a part of here...
there has never been a now.

The crises looming, yet escaping the concern of the masses,
strips bare to my eye a humbling portrait of our planet,
the dust speck.

and it is in bewilderment, that I flounder over the subjectivity
of microscopic organisms and their position
in the human dominated hierarchy.

pondering sorrows

I was in the middle of lecture, barely into the first hour of the morning. A huge bout of tears rushed to the corners of my eyes. The nauseating feeling from a warm fuzz in my stomach, shot to my nose. I never fought my tears so hard, the urge to run home to cry was overwhelming.

"How can someone who claimed to love/really do love me so much, ever do something like that to me?"

I do not comprehend, yet enlightenment isn't what I'm seeking.

Its the comfort of sleeping soundly in someone arms again, that I'm seeking.
Let it be yours, as always.

One last cry.

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

擦肩而過 - 李聖傑

What I'm feeling now: Nostalgic.

If only i knew...

What am I feeeling right now: Listless -.-
The song that's on repeat: 一个人生活 and 分手快樂.

If i'd known, we should've left off as friends or strangers who happened to cross paths that fateful night outside the bar, in the wee hours of dawn. Amongst the bustling crowd of party animals and useless drunkards.

I never knew I wasn't one of them, till we happened.

I guess we were just 2 people, in the wrong time, at the wrong place but with a divine purpose behind that wasn't strong enough carry us through.

;If only i knew you'd make my favourite accident...

i can only imagine.

Just to think about it, I would do things that I would regret (tryna get you to)
To understand how I felt for you
I tried real hard time and time again but I
Didn't know my love wouldn't grow, I shoulda just let it go
But I, stayed around thinkin you would learn to love

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Couldn't do without it, I felt I needed you in my world (to get me by, by)
More and more I looked out for you, tried to play me like a fool so I
Didn't care that love wasn't there, had to just let it go
Couldn't stay around, thinkin you would learn to love

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Amina
And now I'm gone, plus I'd rather be alone
We both grown, lower your tone over the phone, aight
I shoulda known this, damn I shoulda known
It wouldn't last long, when you didn't come home some nights
And now I'm on, in the zone, handle business on my own
So respect the queen on the throne, aight
Here's some strong advice, move on, that's life
You're wrong I'm right, and I gotta letcha go

And we both knew, you're wrong
There's nothing you can do, to ever undo what you've done to me
I loved you, deep in my heart I know you couldn't love me
But baby I just kept holding on, I shoulda let you go
Shoulda let you go

Don't know why you would ever lie to me so,
But I shoulda letcha
Don't know why I could never let you go
Coulda, Shoulda, Letcha
Don't know why...

I used to believe in love songs... ...

but now, they are mere fairytales and painted facades.

The melodies aren't the same anymore, the lyrics are senseless as a drunkard's jokes.

Or was it the process of what we did to 'love'?
We screwed it all.

It was you and me, against the world...

Don't hang up.
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like im lost.
What went wrong?
what made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
Im unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
Its only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful.

Ive been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that's true
Im stuck in time
Im stuck on you
We were still untouchable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cuz im only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we're much better
All together
Can't let go.

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Make me unbeautiful

Natures of humanity.

Dear God,

I feel like I've started on a journey to hell. I can't see the ends, nor can I see the depths of this afflictive dwelling place to one and many. The sweltering heat, the maliciously tormenting screams, the raw situation, the inequitable fear of uncertainty and the agonizing blazes of torridity that I thread on every single second.

3 days. The ear-piercing screams have died. I am starting to aquire an immuity to the calefaction. My grasp onto sanity weakens as I begin to wonder the things hell has to offer. None. It doesn't change the fact that I am and have to be here. I am loosing track of time. There is no pillar of strength that I can hang on to for dear life. I look up and wonder if that is heaven. God, is that really You? Why don't you speak at all? Or is this disconcerted silence preventing me from hearing You?

My shoes can't withstand the charfe any longer. Looking for Satan is not an option that I would consider. That one way, is You. God. For now, its a trip IN hell as I trudge aimlessly in the debris of humanity and their unrepented transgressions. They speak of a different language, I could almost feel the torment as I gaze into their eyes. Flashes of trauma overwhelms me as fear gripped me like its favourite toy.

Perplexed debilitation pierced right through me. Fumbling in the dirt and grime, I picked myself up and stagger on... ...


Amen.

Spinning in a heart's whirlpool of emotions

LOCKED - as the clock strikes 12 tonight.

Emotional Turmoil - says it all and says it best. No other words coupled together could possibly verbalize this inaudible harangue in me.

I can practically feel an ugly ogre incubating in me, growing and waiting for that disinct moment to manifest and detonate into a mushroom cloud of nuclear energy.
Seriously, who are you to deserve such ardently profound feelings of mine.

Maybe you used to feel more.
maybe you used to love me more,
maybe you're tired of me,
maybe you think I'm still giving
you all that nonsense that i used to throw your way
maybe you've finally realised i'm not that worth it after all,
maybe i'm just not that fantastic afterall.

Maybe things took a turn after he came into the picture.
Maybe you didnt mean it that very night, before i walked home,
that you'd still love me no less.
Maybe cos i still expect you to be that guy i knew from the very beginning.
Maybe im asking for something that's non-existent already.
Maybe, there's no turning back anymore. for you. and me.

The tears i shed for you that never seems to stop every night when you're not with me. I've finally found the reason behind all the catastrophe-weathered mental state of mine.

;i cry, for i've lost you already. and as it continues everynight, the anguish never ceases. never.












And ... "I Miss You"

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

overwhelming torrents behind a paper masquerade;

Could it be the world's gone colder? Or maybe, I'm just a losing soul - just me and no one else.

The more I try it just gets harder and my pain is getting old. No remedy seems to countermeasure this travail that's way too familiar - like an old friend that could convince me that some things could possibly be too close for comfort, that it is being compromised subconsciously.

Somebody said that nothing lasts forever. 'Its just the storm' so I've been told. But not one has promised that it'd stop, for me. And it seems that when it rains it pours, mercilessly. Perhaps I'm beginning to revel in these unwinding moments, hugging my knees, face my back upon the enitre melancholic despondence.

As i began the transposition, all it presented was a whitewashed blank. Nothing. Not even a tiny speck of dust that marred it. I shrugged in dismay, dejected and weary. As i hung my head low, nurse the wounds that resurfaced yet again. I startled upon the sight of the tool in my hands, barely gripping it feebly - a paintbrush and a palatte with multidudes of shades and tonal pastels.

We turn out backs on something, not to brood and bring upon misery and self-inflicted torture. But we do that sometimes to remind ourselves that we still have a paintbrush and a wonderfully gifted palatte of colours to make a difference in our own lives.

And you know the rain won't last forever
And you know the storm won't always flow
But if the sun don't shine forever
You gotta let it go

Sometimes it gets so heavy, and it seems too hard to bear.
Sometimes I feel so empty and it feels like no one's there.
Somebody said that nothing lasts forever.
Its 'just the storm' so I've been told.
But it seems that when it rains it pours.

I hate to think that this is escapism. But unfortunately, it already is, in itself. Sometimes, at night, i'd lay in bed staring at whatever's in front of me, wondering what you really what from me that I've fallen short of. Too many shortcomings that i can name for you, baby. As tears welled up in my eyes, i wished my vision was that blur all the time, sometimes. Like i wished i never could see you, maybe cos i never did and never will be able to.

;forgive me if i were to call at 3 in the morning and wondered what went wrong with me.

-dedicated to the BF,leong.

the truth, and the world - liars lost in the hands of time.

Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the the big machine
Oh you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care

Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting
Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God it's good to be alive

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Still in love with all your sins
Where you stop and I begin
And I'll be waiting
Living like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drowning in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all or not
I don't need what you ain't got

I'm torn in pieces
I'm blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

I'm blind and waiting for you
I'm blind and waiting for you
No I can't believe it's coming true
God it's good to be alive
And I'm still here waiting for you
No I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you


;that final blow before i fall over - denial is a way to preserve your sanity sometimes, most of the time.

if i had one wish...

is to turn back time and undo all the hurt. or that you'd love me like you used to.

;breaking apart, slowly but surely...

The parties till dawn, never too much booze and hormonal teasing sex

Are just the things you need sometimes.

the rhythm of life - inevitability

The revolving globe, changing cultures, technology's rapid advancements, miracles of biotechnological researches, changing lifestyles - all because we change. and we changeD.

If only we'd stop and think. Hit that pause button and place that 'thinking hat' on for a moment. The world may change, and people change with it. That's reasonably comprehensive. However, as an individual, i started to ponder the subconscious effect that was secretly working in me.

The moral decadence gyrating my conscience incessantly. I struggle to keep myself at the brink of sanity as it continues to threaten my foothold. I prayed and pleaded to God that these emotional battles in me would cease. I'm almost deafened by the inaudible harangue my heart's screaming. Emotionally deafened.

Many already are. It seems like a God-sent solution to the little boulders we trip over on life's journey. Hey, it isn't. It's a temporary effect that shortchanges us of the little gifts of feelings that were truely God given. We do ourselves more harm than good in the long run. We're only avoiding the sorrows in an absolutely unfair exchange of our happiness. I'm not allowing myself to fall prey to such atrocity.

I know who i am, who i want to be. And you're not going to change that no matter what. The world may change, you may change but I'll not succumb. In life, we all make mistakes. But there are some mistakes we cannot afford to make.

;You might be a mistake but your influence in my life is a mistake i cannot afford. andimeanit.

b.r.o.k.e.n - how else could it be spelt clearer besides feeling it for yourself.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

Deceived myself into believing that time really stood still. I really wished it could. And i tried hard enough for it to seem like it did. The tranquility of night before a new dawn, time seemed to have froze, sending a sluicing chill down the nape of my neck then the spine - if tomorrow never comes. So i sat there waiting, praying for a direction - that God would take away my emotional disposition. So much, i think i've reached damage's saturation point, battered and torn. You're watching, and you contine, unmoved, with scrutiny and nonchalence.


I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm falling apart, barely breathing. If only i could describe how heart wrenching it felt. A heart ripped out of my forcefully and hung on the butcher's line at 5 in the morning awaiting hungry housewifes and their marketing baskets. Imagine the kind of helplessness and hopeless resignation. But the heart's still beating, life still goes on... and the acute pain isn't helping at all. There's gotta be healing somewhere. The incessant ringing of your name, still so vivid in my consciousness, and its all that i'm left with to hold on to. I'm barely holding on to you.

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

The broken locks were a warning to me, but i succumbed to my feeelings and you got inside my head and my heart. I thought i was guarded but it ended up being the other way round, you could read me inside out.

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my wayAnd I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Im damaged at best. wonderful, isnt it. it just had to be you when you werent even part of my plan.

heart-break.er. period.

Where Its At
I Know Karma's Comin To Pay Me Back
I'm With The Sweetest Thang Thats On The Map
I Broke Her Heart In 30 Seconds Flat
In 30 Seconds Flat

Now How Did I
Just How Did I Become That Kind Of Guy
To Look At Girl And Lie Right In The Eye
My Momma Told Me Willy That Ain't Right
Boy Now That Ain't Right

I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Your Heart [x2]
I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Ya
Break It Baby
Look Baby
I'm A Heartbreaker
I'm A Heart

Where She Go
I Got Some Things I Gotta Let Her Know
To Fix The Love Now It's Impossible
But Baby Baby If We Take It Slow
If We Take It Slow
We Can Make It Work
We Just Can't Throw The Love Down In The Dirt
You Probly Think That Im A FucKin Jerk
Cuz The Way I Let You Down It Made You Hurt
I Didn't Mean To Make You Hurt

I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Your Heart
I'm Sorry
I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Ya
Break It Baby
Look Baby
I'm A Heartbreaker

I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Your Heart
I'm Sorry
I Didn't Mean To Break Ya
Break It Baby
Look Baby
I'm A Heartbreaker

what am i to do with you.
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me

hell yea right i didnt mean to break your heart.