I miss Benjiy-boy... When will you be back?

I miss being happy...

You Are Independent Sexy

You drive men crazy with your "playing hard to get act" Except, it's really not an act at all. You're a strong, sexy woman with her own life and interests. And that makes men even more interested in you!

Your Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

I feel that i've been living in a world that doesn't make sense, at all.


;these are the times i wish i died due to that drug overdose...

The week....is over, Just like that.

I just realised i have many 'silent' readers. Can't they just let me know that they're going to tell my MOMMY that i have been drinking and smoking and clubbing? I don't like surprises too much, you know. At least prepare me before hand. There's a tag-board thats idiot-proof, i suppose.

I totally forgot today's inner thoughts. Perhaps I'm just very tired.

So weary...

Revisitation.

And so time passes ever so quickly.

I almost cannot accept the mere fact that a new phase of my academic life is about to begin in less than a week's time.

Perhaps this time, I'm growing up, for real.That might explain the need for my own space, and time alone. The need...for all that. I don't know. Perhaps.....

The day has been pretty okay, thanks to Little Miss iPod. :) I love YOU. *hugs* My gym partner, my iPod. =D

It was my first time teaching tuition. They were Primary 5, 11 year old, twins. Expected, they were shy but i warmed up to them a little and managed to make them laugh. Ahh, satisfied. I am. :) God is Great. I will make an effort to spend time with you more, my Heavenly father.

I surrender my weaknesses to you, Lord. That you take them and tansform them into something great, FOR YOUR NAME. Only You can take me away. Help me in my escapade for the universe is in Your hands. YOu 're there, every corner i run to. Amen.

P.S - do remind me to get kit kat and mentos for the lovely twins this friday :)

Escape escape escape...

'I'll see how far you can go' i said to myself.

its scary to think
her strength
should ever be lost

terrifying to believe
her willpower
can cease with her heartbeat

through these battles
she has remained bedridden
yet victorious

repeatedly we have prepared ourselves
talking softly through phonelines
relaying the updates

she is strong-willed beyond humankind
yet such strength is soon only to be witnessed
in my beloved mother's grim smile

we are a solid structure of support
closely connected despite distance
each taking their turn to grieve aloud

and I, the family author,
fall the farthest into silence
struggling to even type
after all that has come into play today

I have become numb
with only one selfish revelation
I do hope I meet a man as sincerely
devoted as my father.
through his eccentricities and his stubborn nature
he really would give his lifeto cushion my mother's fall.

may I, too, be one day blessed
with the comfort of such
unconditional love.

What's the point of life if Risk is just a board game...

You roll the dice and you're just hoping that the rules change.

Sometimes, she cries herself helplessly, to sleep everynight.
Other times, she drinks till she drops dead on her bed, reeking like smoke and alcohol.
She's never the girl you wanted.


how easily we bleed
how fast the life in us
flickers,
sighs
and diminishes.

in an instant
an isolated moment
can rip us
and will rip us
away for good.

its astonishing how many of us concentrate on complaint
finding time to critically tear apart the world
but never giving a thought to our own inevitable demise
never respecting the incredible beating heart
and never seizing opportunities of altered perception.

I try to capture moments in my memory
perhaps I'm building a collage for my epilogue
I smile fuller, because one of us has to take the plunge first.

I laugh longer, because I know we'll never, ever know.
and I love, with every ounce of my conscious being,
my energy, my grace, and my passion,
because there are too many glowing souls
who hide their beauty beneath black robes.
too many brilliant brains yet to discover
and intellectually saturate.

I'm striving to bare myself to the beloved ones
so maybe they too will feel the exhiliration of mutual admiration
and the intensity of an omnipotent connection.

I've always had the impulse
now I'm working on the guts.

what is it about my waking mind
how does it differ with the drag of the day
I eat the silent mornings
fight rationality
how futile.

perhaps one could call this'sentimentality'
or perhaps
'instinctual softening'
however.

to learn, and to love.
respect for both the living and the dead,
never either or.

reality hasn't felt quite realmy
dreams are a more complete story
I find them more reasonable
than the world outside of my head
but is it 'healthy'
in any sense of the word
to be figuring only
in fairytales?

sometimes I wish I could marry
the books I fall in love with
but its for the best that I can't
for there would be endless infidelities.


I wonder how the sun looked
as it rose beside your plane
I set my alarm for early
so I could lay awake at take off
a sighing mixture
of grief and gratitude.

it's so easy to shut the door
but so difficultto lock it.

A thousand things I should have said.

Pure randomness.

Life.... Should be like this, for me.

Eat junk, drinking nights away, work out, smoke, club, sleep. Eat junk, drink myself silly, work out ,smoke, club till the sun comes out, sleep.

You get me.

I need sentosa. I don't need you.

I was talking to ____. And i realised how pathetic i was. How much time i've been wasting. Life's been regimentally routine-like, as you can see from the above denotation, but i seem to enjoy it. Perhaps i should stop living this lie. This beautiful facade which i had effortlessly painted for myself. Everything, the easy way out. But i know i'm struggling inside, fighting to surface to reality to grasp a breath of fresh air.

Well, like it or not, this is reality, and, you need air to breathe. I hate it.

I love you but i hate the fact that you exist.

today I woke up haunted

disbelief and disrepair

trying to grasp the nature of this cerebral asphyxiation

there exists no straight line to guide me

and nothing physical enough to inundate my brain

the dream side again has warped

my conscious eye and these hallucinations appear so vivid

and so tangible

I don't know how to define

or describe this kind of confusion the vortex

I'm getting sucked into is spinning inadequacies

and twisting intentions

the analytical mind is no closer to the truth than

the oblivious and I'm too preoccupied

too absorbed into that which I can only feel

for my rational head to help at all

it'd be so perfect to disappear. it's time to dissolve and drift away



He sits alone at a table in a small cafe
Drowning his tears in a bottomless cup of coffee
And hes tumbling into his thoughts
His memories are all tied in knots
And who is going to save him
No one wants to know him

She stands alone in a place where no one knows her name
She catches them staring they turn around and vanish the frame
And shes nursing her head and her pride
She died long ago deep down inside
And who is going to save her
No one wants to know her

I cant believe that you'd pull on a sleeve when you cry
You stick in the knife then give the kiss of life
Live the lie
And we all have a saviour
So do yourself a favour
Stop livin the lie

He sits alone and looks up to the eyes of an angel
She catches him staring and smiles the smile of an angel
And she asks him if this chair is free
He said yes will you sit here with me
No one would have saved him
We should all learn from them